PERFECT.
Art : Wait…
By Sakuan.
There is a reason for the imperfections…
Sunday.
To make money you have to sacrifice, in some cases at least, to be able to achieve whatever it is that you want to achieve you have to be willing to put your ego aside, you have to be in a place of peace with yourself before you can do anything meaningful, that is not always the case but it is a good starting place for anyone who wants to get something out of their life. Sometimes you have to use money to make money, that is ironic but it is what it is. Sacrifice is not a new concept, it has always been a thing, people have been performing the ritual for thousands of years and we still do it to this day, knowingly or unknowingly it still happens and that is all that matters. I do things that require explanations to others, and that right there is frustrating at times because only I can see what I want, only I know what I want, and only I can fathom want life can be if I do certain things the way I want to do them in life, the next person can never understand what I am going through or what I am trying to get my life to. That is one of the biggest gifts and curses that one can wish for, on one hand, you get to experience a level of satisfaction and control over your life, you literally have the keys to your life and it all falls on you to decide what you will do with them, on the other hand, no one understands what you are trying to do, to them it was only worth it once they see the results, and that is the curse that comes along with dreams, only you can see and experience them…
Monday.
I don’t know what is real and what is fake anymore, I used to be naive and believed everything that I saw or read online until it reached a point where I would read something and then go somewhere else and read about how the thing that I just read was fake and that is not what happened. Now I find it hard to believe anything that I see on the internet, whether it be from the NEWS stations or someone talking about something on their own platform. We have different NEWS stations with different beliefs and different views of how things are going in the country and that is discouraging to be a part of because both sides swear they are in the right and the other side is in the wrong, it is frustrating and hard and I assume for children it is way more damaging because they don’t get to know what side is right and what side is wrong and since they are gullible it is easy for either side to use that to their advantage and abuse that fact. It had become so bad in the last few years that these political talks if you may, have bled into science and now it has come to a point where I don’t really know what is what, and to some extent, I don’t know what to believe when it comes to certain parts in science when COVID happened, there were two sides of science and they were both talking about two different things and that was based on “science” in reality both sides turned political. When it comes to therapy, politics has also bled into that to a point where I don’t know what the point of therapy is when in some situations the therapist is required by law to agree with whatever the patient tells them, we all know what I am talking about… what is science anymore?
Tuesday.
Life can come at you at such a high speed and I know this because that is what life has always been for me, I can tell that to others it is way difficult to handle when that happens and I know this because I have seen things happen that make me question the state of humanity. I care about what other people think about me and I think that is the right thing to do, it is okay to care I think and it is okay to be aware of that, how can you improve your life if you don’t let what other people think of you influence you in one way or another. Of course, there are levels to this and we all know there are because people always come up with new ways to degrade you, at that point should you let what they think about you affect you? That is the big question, personally, I take everything people say about me keenly, I can’t dismiss everything and I also can’t assume everything that is said about me has validity. Sometimes there is that one thing that everybody around you seems to say about you and at that point, I think it would be wise of you to take that in and consider what is being said because at some point if everyone around you is insane maybe, just maybe you are the one that is insane. That is a good way to see the world, let me not say good but that is my preferred way to see the world, so far it has been great, I have learned a whole lot about myself and I still am seeing and experiencing new things every day. So when life comes at you at such a high speed there is nothing you can do about it if you aren’t prepared for it, and we all are certainly almost never prepared enough for what life can bring…
Wednesday.
Hit the road and don’t you ever come back. I was told that once and since then the same thing has been recurring in my head, the voice hasn’t shut down since and that right there is the reason why everything you say to someone has to be considered carefully because you never know how it is going to affect them. I have said things to some people that I wasn’t proud of and some of them called me out for those things, not everybody has the courage or care to acknowledge everything that is said to them, I always have that at the back of my head. I do think twice before I say something, most of the time at least, you can’t do it every time and it is not because you don’t want to but because as human beings that is what we do, we are flaw at times and that is okay, just because that is okay doesn’t mean you there shouldn’t be consequences to whatever it is that you did. Consequences are always there no matter what, every action has a reaction to it, whether it be a big one or a small, every action has consequences, no matter how unlucky or unfair they might be that is the way of life, and that is the way we are wired, that is the way life is wired, I love it and I love the fact that of it and it is not because I like it but because that is the only way life balances itself out, such a beautiful thing to witness or be a part of. Something as small as “you are good at doing this, you need to keep on going,” can change someone’s life for good, I know this because I was once told I was good at something, and those five seconds of words sort of made me who I am today, every time I thought of quitting because nothing seemed to work, I always heard those words repeat again and again in my head, “you are good at doing this, you need to keep on going.”
Thursday.
What is happening with our children today, how are kids being raised these days, I wonder why things have changed so much the way they did. The statistics that you see these days are appalling, the amount of people who are expected to do the things they are supposed to do has gone down. People are scared of marriage these days and I am assuming one of the main reasons is the laws surrounding marriage, the way the government is involved in this thing is weird. One of the things that I wonder is since marriage is swearing to each other and putting it on paper that the people involved have agreed to do certain things while they are in a relationship, how come it is not against the law when you breach that contract through cheating? I wonder why that is the case and I wonder why the law doesn’t have any sympathy towards the person who was cheated on when it comes to settlements and child custody. How can you cheat on me and after we divorce I still have to pay you alimony just because I make more money than you? Why am I even supposed to pay alimony to you after a divorce when you already make millions of dollars, we both make millions but somehow I still have to pay you millions in alimony for some reason, why is this a thing, why do I have to pay hundreds of thousands in child support every month, how come it all of a sudden takes that much to raise a child. The internet being a thing means we see these cases every day and they feel so real and they hit home for most of us, either because we want children in the future or we want to get married to our loved ones someday. After seeing all this happen in court tell me, how can you expect young adults to pursue having children or getting married when all they see is how wrong it can go? It’s scary…
Friday.
At the top, is it lonely there? I wonder how it feels to be known as the best at something, how does it make you feel? How does it change you as a person? I wonder and keep on wondering how life is on the other side, I hope it is great. This path of mine that I am trying to craft is going well so far and I can’t really complain if I were to complain who am I going to complain to, it’s not like God is going to talk back to me, He is not going to answer my questions, so who do I turn to apart from myself? I can only count on myself to be the person that I know I can be. Complaining about what I have and what I don’t have is pointless to say the least, mainly because who am I going to complain to, and even if I had someone to talk to how certain am I that they are going to help me, should I care about their intentions or should I take it for what it is? This life of trying to be somebody is tough and hard, not to mention lonely. You sit by yourself every day trying to express what is in your brain, it never comes out as clean as you want it but it comes out and you are sometimes satisfied with what you get and that is good enough. Expressing yourself can be challenging, is challenging, and as time goes by you have to keep your society in mind because as time goes by things tend to change, some things that were once fine might now be considered taboo and controversial, things that were once accepted are now considered illegal, these are the changes you have to get used to, you have to adjust before it is late and you find yourself in the hot seat, trust me the hot seat is uncomfortable.
Saturday.
I always want to be perfect, that is a gift and a curse, everything I do never seem to matter as long as it is perfect, perfect according to me, and that has always held me back. There are a lot of things I haven’t shared with the world not because I think they are bad but because in my head I believe these things are not perfect enough to my standards, I never used to think like this, I don’t know what went wrong with that. I don’t look for sources of income from my work, not because I don’t think it’s possible but because I don’t think my work is perfect enough for all of that. Why do I think this way and how can I stop thinking like this, looking back it is a peculiar thing to do because there are projects that I made two years ago that no one has seen, projects that mean a lot to me, projects that were planned for the world to see but the only reason why they are not out is that they were not perfect enough as per my standards, I don’t like that and I think it is time to change. I have to understand, one man’s poison is another man’s medicine, so all the things that I haven’t shared yet could have helped someone out there cope with whatever it is that they are going through, and through that, I would have benefited one way or another. Perfection is the killer of success, it doesn’t have to be perfect, even our technology gets better and better every year, imagine if Steve Jobs and Apple didn’t release their first iPhone in 2007 because it wasn’t perfect, imagine if they waited for perfection before they released it then apple won’t be revolutionary as it is today, as time goes you keep learning new things and improving your work, so by that alone I think it is safe to conclude that perfection or perfect doesn’t exist…
Currently reading [Women by Charles Bukowski]
