Pearls in the dirt.
Art : Pearls.
By Sakuan.
i. Sunday.
The prices we have to pay, I pay for them dearly I know that for sure. I think this is a must for most people and I think this is a must in life, you have to pay a price for the things you want, you have to sacrifice, you have to put yourself in uncomfortable situations, you have to adapt to life itself if you want to live in it, you have to be what other people are afraid to be, you have to stand ten toes down and keep your life in check if you want to be exceptional, pain is necessary they keep telling me, I still don’t know why I listened and still listening. Nobody ever taught me this, all I did was listen and follow, I didn’t question why, monkey see monkey do. Nobody ever told me that I could be a great person someday, and nobody ever told me I was going to be great someday, I know this is all talk but hear me out when I say this, life is precious and I know there are people out there who would rather have my life than theirs, that keeps me in check no matter how bad I think my life is. There is someone out there who always has is tougher than you and you can’t do anything about it because there is nothing you can do, you can’t always act on every factual information you get if we could then the world would be at peace. No matter how unjust you think this life is right now, there is always a time and place where it is or was way more cruel than what you’re experiencing. I am not trying to deny you the fact that you have problems in life, all I am saying is no matter how bad you think your life is there is someone out there who has it way worse than you. There is a kicker to all of that, emotional pain is subjective, so I can never fully stand behind my own words because people are different in their ways of thinking, and that is the epitome of human beings who have agreed to live in a society…
ii. Monday.
I break rules all the time, rules are cool to break, and it feels good when you get away with it, rules are there for a reason so don’t follow in my footsteps, do as I say and not as I do. Let us be honest though, there are some rules that are stupid, there are rules that are old, rules that have no meaning whatsoever, rules that were made when our country was still in a bad place, (still is to some extent today, I think the word I should have used was worse), How is our modern-day god expecting us to follow these rules? The queen is still in Canada’s money, let that sink in. There is something in particular that still surprises me to this day, and that is how people live today, you literally have no say in anything in your life, you think you do but you don’t and that is something that worries me, the illusion of freedom. We all think we are free and maybe we are but the more I think about it the more I realize that couldn’t be farther from the truth, the illusion is way better than the real thing when it comes to freedom, trust me when I say this, pure freedom doesn’t work, societies need to be controlled to some extent, I know it sounds bad in black and white but trust me it works and has always worked, that means we as people have to make sacrifices, and these sacrifices vary, from privacy to physical sacrifices. This might seem like a bad thing at first but in hindsight, if done properly and without malice then it is the perfect system to be a part of, if malice is involved then we are in big trouble because things can get bad really fast. Everything you ever do online gets tracked, some of us know this and some don’t but that is the reality of things, and it should be tracked because there are people who need to be contained when it comes to certain things that might bring harm to the community, freedom is good but too much of it is dangerous…
iii. Tuesday.
It is all an illusion. Is life real? do I need to do everything that I think I should? I don’t think so but somehow it has to be done, I know this might be confusing to some, but not to me because I know what my life can be like if I don’t do everything in my power to get to where I want to get to, I want to be the best version of myself, the positive version of myself even that is subjective, why is life this complicated? Everything is an illusion, from peace to war, how come some places on earth are at war and others are at peace, maybe I am wrong but I still have to think about it, if I don’t then who will? We all chase money, we all want to be financially free someday, and we all do things we think we have to do in order to get to that safe place we all wish to get to, I know I do. Some of us go to work every day trying to save some money to get out of that hole we are in and some of us pray every day to a divine being to help us get out of the uncomfortable life we are in, some hustle to the max trying to make their dreams come true, it is all a cycle that has been going on since the beginning of time. Everyone struggles in their own way and I respect that, everyone has a chance to grow, but some, some don’t. Anyone can be who they want to be because there are people out there who wanted to be something and then they became that thing, so I know it is possible, it is hard to get to that place though, that’s for sure. In the process of getting to that, some of us give up and some of us keep on going, what type of person are you? I know what type of person I am, I am both, sometimes I give up and sometimes I keep on going because I can almost always see the light at the end of the scary tunnel…
iv. Wednesday.
Scary stuff, being sick or feeling sick is one of those things that you wouldn’t wish on yourself, especially when you don’t know what is wrong with you, scary stuff indeed. I’d rather fight the devil that I know than the one I don’t, there are things that you can do to reduce the feeling but some feelings take forever to overcome and that is assuming you know the feeling you are going through. I have been subjected to one of those feelings lately and let me tell you something, I’d rather not feel this way ever again. Being sick is one of those things that is annoying for no apparent reason as it would seem. When your health deteriorates and you have no clue why it’s happening can be damaging to your spirit and I believe your spirit is important to have in your life, I believe that you need to have a good positive aura (if you will) to have an easier life in general. You need to look at life in a positive manner, you have to be optimistic about life itself, and you have to look at life in a way that can help you become what you want to be, there is no reason to keep on looking at life like it’s a chore, like a burden that was left unto you, it might feel that way and it might be that way but there is no reason to keep on looking at life like tomorrow never comes, there is always a reason to smile and laugh no matter how tough things are, sometimes we are all victims of our imaginations and thoughts, that doesn’t help much. For some reason when you Google a symptom you might be experiencing it is never a good idea because you find yourself in a hole that leads to more anxiety and panic, Google such a gift and a curse. You don’t know how good you have it or how lucky you are until you get sick and somehow you can’t function anymore, now that is a punishment no soul deserves, I know I don’t. Today hasn’t been a great day, so far… Let us see what tomorrow brings, shall we?
v. Thursday.
I feel much better today, thank you for asking non-asker.
I am a legend in these streets Mama, I know you worry about me and the things I do, or the things I should do, I know the world is a tough place mama, no need to remind me all the time, but I understand why you do it, you love me and you care about my future, I love you for that mama, I always will. Mama grew up with nothing so I understand why she is so in love with money, I don’t look at money the same way she does, she keeps going for more and more and yet here I am trying to find a way to take all of us out of this mess we are in once and for all. There is one thing that Mama doesn’t understand, money doesn’t solve everything, maybe she does understand that but she doesn’t show that she understands to me, so I have to go with what I see and not what I think she sees. Don’t get me wrong money helps a lot, but a broken family is a broken family and a broken family getting a lot of money isn’t going to solve all the problems, rather it will just be a broken family with money, more money more problems, that statement couldn’t be more true. I can get a job and chase money like Mama did and wants or I can take a huge risk and go one hundred percent on a dream of mine that I know if it were to succeed then all our financial problems would go away. There is only one problem with that, and that is I am the only person who can experience my dream, I am the only person in my household that understands what I am doing and the possibilities that come with it, it is sad but also exciting because there are so many ways I can get out of this rotten place and mindset we call poverty… Mama has faith in me and that’s all that matters.
Maybe Mama is right and I am wrong…
I love you Mama.
vi. Friday.
Power, having power over something feels good, when you overcome injustice it feels good, when you overcome a disease it feels good, when you overcome a fear it feels good, when you finally do something that you were always procrastinating towards feels good. Sometimes lies can brainwash you and you might end up fighting for the wrong things and I am sure I am not the only person who sees this. Some people misuse their power and are unapologetic about it, I have seen a couple of situations where this was the case and let me tell you it is not a pleasant thing to witness, I’d imagine how devastating it must be to experience it first hand, I am only a witness and it hurts seeing it, imagine being the person to whom such incidents are happening to. The law is not perfect whatsoever and there is this fear we have as a society of changing it, rightfully so, because we are not sure what might break in the process, but we have to take risks that is the only way we can advance.
For example the jury system, it is the best form of justice we have at this point in our society, just like most things to us humans justice is yet another thing that will forever remain a subjective matter. The jury system isn’t perfect, there are a lot of lies that go in them, people never feared God with all the apparent consequences that came with not believing in Him, the anguishing pain of burning in hell and living your life forever in an unpleasant way. The only fear the law system brings is the fear of perjury, give me a break, human beings will lie when their survival or freedom is in jeopardy, let that sink in… With that being said, how do you believe? How can you believe a jury in this day and age of social media, social media is more popular than it has ever been, and the internet is more widespread than it has ever been, of course, somebody is bound to know something about somebody, people will lie to get what they want and jurors are people too…
And then there is pleading the fifth, need I say more?
vii. Saturday.
Isn’t that what you have been praying for? Why are you scared now, did you not want to get this in your life, how come you are more scared with it than you ever were without it? I thought you would love this, “So did I.” We all knew there was something scary about this. I tried for so long to get to this place and now that I am here I don’t feel comfortable as I thought I would, life is confusing like that sometimes and I usually know why but in this case, I was blindsided as well, nobody ever told me this could happen. To be completely honest with you I was always scared I just hid it pretty well from myself. Some of you might already know how scary it is to get what you want because you went through the same thing yourself or you know someone who went through the same thing. Success is scary to me, as it should be, I don’t know how I will handle it if it were to ever come my way, I have an idea of how I would act but that is just that, an idea, nothing more and nothing less. There are a lot of people who have and still are handling success in a bad way and I know I am not that unique of a person to the point where the same thing won’t happen to me, it might and it might not, and the only way to find out is to get that point of success. Getting there is hard and I bet staying there is even harder, I have had small successes in the past, I have had big successes in the past, and in my experience staying in that motivation mode after achieving whatever it is that you wanted is hard. I take my hat off to those who have had a strong mental fortitude of staying in a healthy mindset for years after tasting success because that is a hard task for anyone.
Currently reading [Women by Charles Bukowski]
