Be water…
Art : First Date.
By Sakuan.
Pebbles.
What has gotten into life itself, where has humanity gone, and why is my right never THE right in another person’s eyes? The justice system needs an update, the law needs an update, maybe I am naive, or maybe we are all naive but hear me out when I say this, it has gone too far, we have killers of dreams and killers of life itself out here walking free because they had a good lawyer and all the money in the world. What am I supposed to do with that information, I ask myself all the time, well there is the rub, there is nothing I can do with that information, I have no power over anything but my life, and even with that, I don’t have the complete power over it because I can get fined for not wearing a seatbelt…
We have people who disrupt the community out here living treacherously, and when it is time for justice they make a deal with the justice system and get less time in jail or no time at all, makes me wonder what is the point of the system if murderers are out here getting away with murder, literally. I know what I say can be daunting at times but it is the truth when you think about it, I love the law when it works and I can’t really blame it because the law is just but a thing that we all follow, we are required to follow the law no matter what it is, freedom is only a thought, freedom is what you make it to be, no one is ever free no matter how hard you want to think you are, the laws that we have are the best we can do at the moment and there is always room for improvement but that doesn’t really matter because we are human, there is always room for improvement. Do we really own anything? How can you own something that can be taken away from you at any time if you don’t pay your taxes on it, how do you buy a piece of land and still pay taxes on that piece of land, it is just but a piece of mother earth, what am I missing here? Am I not supposed to ask questions? Am I supposed to accept it because that is what people just do?
Waves.
Disagreements, what do they really mean? Should I ever be worried about them? I have had disagreements before and they are not a good thing to be proud of but sometimes you have to because it is hard to make people see your side of the story, it is hard to get people to empathize with you in anything that you do. Can I be honest with you right now? Is this a safe space for me to speak what’s truly in this brain of mine without any judgment from you? Please accept me as I am and not for who you think I am or should be. Arguments don’t really make enough sense to me, think about what an argument really is, two people sitting there trying to convince the other person they are right, it makes no sense whatsoever and I know that and you should too, the more I think about it the more I realize how much it doesn’t make sense. Maybe it’s our ego that grew over time from life experiences, books, or other people we have known throughout our lives. Personally, after any argument especially with the people close to me, it never feels good having to sit there after a nasty argument and act like everything is normal after the fact, it always bothers me, and I end up thinking about ways that I could have avoided being in that situation and in most cases I find ways, so far the best way I found to have a healthy argument is to stay calm and try to portray any feelings I have at the time in a respectful and calm tone just so my words aren’t malicious in any way and sometimes this is easy to accomplish and sometimes it is not, that is the thing I have to deal with, sitting there with myself after an argument feeling bad for myself, feeling like all the chaos could have been avoided somehow… That feeling is annoying, why did I have to be human? Scratch that.
Sand.
Trap, the trap of life, I wonder what that is, I wonder why we get stuck in life, is it even real or is it a feeling that we only get when we come to a roadblock in life? How can that be real when a roadblock in your life is only a roadblock if you say it is? What do you do when you feel like you have no one to talk to? What do you do when you feel like you have no one to open up to? I don’t really talk to anyone about my feelings and I’ve been told, and I know this is not how we as humans are supposed to live, but I never grew up in a home where I could speak freely without any consequences, I was advised to but that can only go so far and we all know that at least I know that because there have been times where I wanted to open up and talk about what was going on in my life but I had no ears to tell, need I explain how discouraging that can be? I can tell that it is wrong to live like that because there are a lot of things I have experienced that I have forgotten, things that shouldn’t be forgotten, things that would help me grow as a person, things that if I were to tell someone then there would have been a higher chance of them reminding me of the incident hence kept the memory alive. Because I don’t share a lot of my most significant feelings, thoughts, and experiences with people, I don’t really have the privilege of someone saying, “ Hey remember the time when you did this? Those were the good old times.”, “Hey remember the time when you told me this? That was actually a nice idea that would apply in this situation we are in now.” And I for sure don’t get the satisfaction of saying, “Oh yes that time, oh my god I had forgotten about that, those were the good times, thank you for reminding me that.”
Lagoon.
What is the point of trying if you know there is a chance of failure, please tell me, please help me understand, what is the point of it all? I have tried a lot of things before and some of them have failed and some have succeeded and my question still stands, what is the point of it all? What is the point of life? Is it getting money? Is it making a family? Is it trying to help others? Is it following what you want to do and actually doing it? What is it? What is the point of it all? Why does it feel like you try so hard just to end up failing and trying to do it again and again to no avail, what is the point of it all? How come it feels like no one gives you a chance? How come I have these feelings? How come no one is helping me understand what I want and need to know? I have been waiting for a time for the dream to come alive and for it to be my time, the time never came when I expected it to come, and now here I am feeling like a failure and I know that is not a healthy thing to even consider but hear me out when I say this, I know life is short or so they say, I just want to know and understand what I can do to make sure I utilize it to the maximum way that I see fit. I know the opera is never over until the fat lady sings, I just don’t know where the fat lady is and I don’t know what to look for because I don’t know much about operas. Life is short enjoy it, yeah, yeah, I hear you and I will try my best to do just that.
Crabs.
When you want something to go your way, what is your go-to thing to do? I know what mine is and it has always worked ever since I started doing it. I have always let things take their cause, I never force anything to happen, and I always mind my business when it comes to things that don’t concern me but I know why that can be hard for some people. We have duties as human beings to protect what we know to be right and that leads to people trying their best to treat those around them with care and when I say that I don’t only mean physically but most importantly emotionally. Standing for something is a thing we ought to do and that is just the reality of life itself, I have seen this gone good and also seen this gone bad and I have to admit trying is better than not doing anything at all. If you see something happening outside, something that goes against your moral values as a human being, something that we as a society have agreed shouldn’t happen, are you the type of person who would step up and let the person in question know they are wrong or are you the type to know they are wrong but never confront them and mind your own business? To me there is no clear-cut answer to that for I believe both answers have some merit and it all depends on the situation you are in, every dog has its day or so they say. Confrontations are not my forte and I try my best to avoid them, sometimes I believe they are necessary but not as much as we think they are, I guess I still don’t see the point of arguments, both parties think they are right and they can swear they are right while trying to convince the other person to see and maybe take their side.
Ocean.
I keep saying this and nothing really seems to come out of it, I know I can do it, I know I can become the person I want to be, I know I can be the person they all want me to be, I know kings who died for this and I know kings who find this an honor to die for, I can only imagine what they will do once they find out what I am all about. The people who were hurt doing this, the things they did that they didn’t even know were wrong, who am I to judge I can’t say anything about that because that is life and that is what we all have to come to peace with. I have stories I can tell, I have people I can listen to, and I have people who I know will listen to me if they knew who I was and what I was about. I am shy, and I have been told as much, but I think what is in my head or brain is for the masses and I know if I could find a way to get my work to reach more people then my life will be way ahead than where it is right now, I know that for a fact. Maybe being preserved is what keeps me behind and on the other hand, maybe being preserved is the reason I am still alive today, that is why I find it hard to have any regrets in life because no matter how good you think things would have gone if you didn’t do what you did, you have to remind yourself, at the end of the day a coin always has two sides and if you flip it then there is a chance you would get either side, heads or tails, and it is never guaranteed which face the coin is going to land on…
Reed.
Stand tall for yourself and take yourself seriously, you are the only person who can do that better than anyone else and I know this because it is what I have done for over twenty years now. Stay strong because people like that, and people also want someone they can depend on when they are down, be that person but don’t you dare be a slave to that mentality for it is hard and it kills you slowly, you can say all you want and you can do all you want just remember where you come from and where you are headed because, for most of us, we want to avoid going back to our old toxic selves and always wish to be better and always working hard to be better. Just because you are weak doesn’t mean you are not worth it, we all are, but by law, we are not, by law some people are more important than others and you have to accept that for what it is. You might wonder what I mean by this, for example in America the supreme court judges serve for life, meaning they are more important than the regular citizen, there is a reason why the law does this and the reason would only make sense in a perfect world, news flash, we don’t live in a perfect world because we are all human beings with feelings and that makes things complicated. They make decisions that affect the country… I never understand the voting system, I get it but the more I think about it the more I realize we still have a long way to go as a society but for now, this is the best we can do. If twenty people vote and eleven of the twenty vote for one thing and nine votes for the other then the eleven people win, not because they are right but because that is what more people want, it doesn’t really make that much sense to me because on the other hand, you have the nine people who didn’t get what they want, you would be naive to expect those nine people to accept the fate of the outcome and continue living in peace, what stops one or two or even more of those nine people to wonder, “I help build this community and yet my voice doesn’t matter.” Like I said we still have a long way to go as a community…
Currently reading [Women by Charles Bukowski]
