TIME.
Art : Trip.
By Sakuan.
My name is Malaika, it means Angel in Swahili. These are my thoughts, take them with a grain of salt if you must, but please hear me out, judge my actions not my thoughts, for I am what I do and not who I say I am.
TIME.
Ticktock Ticktock. The clock’s fastest hand keeps on spinning around its universe while the other two try to catch on, the longer one moving at a faster pace than the smallest hand. Ticktock Ticktock. Time is never on your side when your time stops the world keeps on moving, oh your mother had to be rushed to the hospital, your boss still wants you to clock in and if you don’t, well there goes your job. He is not insensitive, his customers have to be taken care of, and the world doesn’t stop spinning when your world stops spinning. Woe is you, rightfully so but that doesn’t negate the fact that your bad day isn’t everyone else’s bad day, to them, “woe is you?” Boo-hoo. Ticktock, Ticktock.
Woe is me…
Do you want me to feel bad for you? Do you want me to pretend that I care about what goes on in your life? Why should I love my neighbor as I love myself? What if I hate myself and all I think is ending it all, then should I treat my neighbor like that? Treat others like you would like to be treated, what if I hate myself and I don’t think I deserve to be treated with respect, then what do I do to my neighbor?
Shh…
The time has come for you to grow up, the time has come for you to take matters into your own hands. The time has come for you to ignore all the “rubbish” that you tell yourself, you’re good at what you do, doubt is a good thing but the way you use it either makes it good or bad for you. You use doubt in a bad way, what is wrong with you? Why do you tell yourself you are not worthy, why do you rob yourself of these little doses of happiness that come your way from time to time? Sure life can be tough, but that is to be expected, so what are you going to do about it moving forward? So far all you’ve done is blame yourself for the inevitable, what is wrong with you? What happened to that little innocent voice that used to guide you to do good, what changed you? Why are you like this now? I don’t understand it, please help me understand. The time has come for you to change your ways, time for you to mentor that little voice into a grown positive voice, don’t let it die, you are what you make yourself to be. Your nurture might have been brutal and you know that, so change, you can be who you think you want to be, all you have to do is be honest with yourself, tell the truth to yourself, be a good person to yourself, just the way you always try you best to be good to other people, please be that to yourself, you owe that to yourself, it all starts withing you, respect yourself, respect your time, you are your actions, always remember that…
Baby steps are what you start with before you become a marathon runner, it doesn’t have to happen today, but it can start today. Woe is me, Boo-Hoo.
FIND WHAT YOU LOVE AND LET IT KILL YOU.
Part of a quote by Charles Bukowski, “ Find what you love and let it kill you.”
Love is such a weird word, who came up with the word, I wonder, and what gave that person the right to name this feeling/experience, who do they think they are? Personally, I think we need more words added to the local vocabulary, that is what it seems to me at least because there are a lot of feelings out there that can’t be explained with the same word. I love my wife, I love my dog, I love my house, I love my office chair. The word love is used all the time, does it lose its meaning when used without care? In a sense, it doesn’t because new couples still find it exciting and hard to break it to the other person that they care about them by uttering those three magical words, “ I love you.”
Finding what you love to do, sometimes I wonder whether we are born with it or do we come to love something enough to dedicate our whole lives to it…
It is hard to find what you love, only the fortunate get to experience the phenomenal feeling of finding their true purpose in their lifetime, you’ve got a hundred years here on earth, for most of us even less than that, and in that period of time, finding what turns your cogs every morning can be challenging considering you have to worry about getting older and older, plus you live in a world where the only free thing is the air you breathe. Do what you love they say, but what if my love is “wrong”? What if what I love is only in my mind and not a reality? Of course, all dreams start from the mind, but what if my dream can never be a reality in this day and age? What if what I love can’t put any food on the table, how do I juggle with that concept? Why should I not conform to what everybody else is doing? It seems to be working for them, can it not work for me too? It is an easy life externally to do what everybody else is doing because it requires no original thinking from you, why fix what is not broken? Realistically you’re just a cog in the machine, and even though you look like every other cog in the machine, at least you are a cog who can pay the bills, put food on the table, and afford a roof over your head, at least your life has a purpose in some sense, without you the machine doesn’t work. Then it hits you, you can easily be replaced, then the questions start bubbling in your little brain, “I would rather be the owner of this machine?” reality strikes again “maybe that is too much work for me,” what is wrong with being cog if you love it, the answer is not that clear cut, what is LOVE? Is love what we tell ourselves it is or IS it just IT? Why do we use that word like it is going out of style: do what you love, love at first sight, I love this food, OMG I love your eyes, I love the way that feels, I love my cat, I love my mother, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU TOO. The most sacred feeling is love, it can’t be explained but it is the center of every feeling, either you love or not love, hate can’t be in the mix because if you don’t love that doesn’t mean you hate, sometimes you don’t have a feeling of connection towards something and that doesn’t mean you hate it.
LOVE IS.
…
ME, MYSELF, AND I.
I am who I am and I am this way because this is who I was to be.
Choose who you are wisely, be the person you would like to be around, be the person that strives for the truth, and be true to your words when you say that. I say these words not because I am different from you, I say these words not because I am religious, I say these words not because I think I am above you, I say these words not because I think I am a teacher, I say these words not because I am scared, I say these words because I believe them to be true, I say these words because they have helped me and I truly hope these same words will help someone out there for I am not that unique or special of a human being to be the only person who has experienced this type of turmoil in my life.
“Faith without work is dead.” -The Bible
I think of the worst every time I receive a piece of information, what is wrong with me? Is this the human way of perceiving a message? To tear my brain and my soul into pieces for the slightest of judgments towards me, to ask why am I this way, is to ask why am I human. Is to ask what am I? The future holds a great deal of who I will be, and what I do today determines who I will be called tomorrow. I need to change, change is important, how can I survive in a cruel and sometimes unjust world if I am this way, how do I overcome people looking my way, why do I always take it the wrong way, why can’t I just keep my mouth and my heart still every time I’m encountered with a situation filled with malice intent, who am I to say it is not fair that I receive such treatment? What am I to think I am always right? I always have a reason as to why I act the way I act and the reason always makes sense to the person I am explaining it to, or so I think, for I’ll be honest I am good with my words, and sometimes even though I am speaking the truth I can’t help but feel like it’s not a genuine truth when in fact it is. I judge myself too harshly at times, that I will admit. It hurts because I judge myself now like there is no tomorrow and I always tend to beat myself up over the slightest altercation, when someone else does it, sometimes it feels like I deserve it, and sometimes it feels like I have to protect myself because I already beat myself up all the time, and adding another person in the mix is two times as stressful. Why curse me when I curse myself all the time? Why hurt me when I already hurt myself more than anyone else could? Why tear me down when I already tear myself down every night? Why laugh at my pain when I see myself as a joke every time I look in the mirror? Why love me when I don’t have that feeling of love towards myself as apparent as it should be?
End it all I thought at one point, but then I was reminded about the little versions of ME that could be, the cycle of life has to go on, why would I rob someone else of their happiness, why would I rob my future significant other this feeling we call LOVE, why would I deny them the feeling of being a parent, let alone why would I rob myself of those beautiful feelings?
The wonders of life, embrace them or push them away, either way, the world doesn’t stop for you, the world NEVER stops for anyone, it keeps on dancing its away around the shiny golden pearl, it didn’t stop dancing when the greats died and sure isn’t going to stop for poor little you.
I say these words not to hurt you, I say these words because I think them to be true, at least at this point in time in my life.
SMILE.
Currently reading [God is Not One by Stephen Prothero]
