The Joy
Art : who judges?
By Sakuan.
The mad man named Actus.
How did I get here? I am a person of questions, nothing should go unanswered, I know I have to answer to someone, maybe myself. I am in check, I know I am, I keep learning new things about myself everyday and that is refreshing to be honest with you, I would rather that than not learning anything at all, I keep surprising myself. I was in a jam not long ago and I figured a way to get out, I was proud about that, I have found different ways to be a someone to myself, I have figured ways to prove to myself that life can be beautiful. Maybe this is a good thing, maybe I am supposed to get into all the trouble in order to move forward in my life. Yesterday was long, today was short, I wonder what tomorrow will bring, don’t worry about what I am saying, sometimes I don’t even understand where my thoughts go until later on. You hear voices in your head and they are telling you life is beautiful, but before you smile the same voice scream at you with all the insults you can imagine, the same voice that keeps you up also brings you down. The beauty of life is living, but what is living? Is it breathing in an out? Is that living? Is living something deeper than what the eye meets? What if the thing that gets you going is the same thing that stops you, how do you deal with a situation like that? People cry for help and what do they do when they are not heard, is giving up an option? I used to have dreams, I used to have hope and now I don’t, maybe that is my problem, maybe I gave up too soon, maybe I should have kept going when times got tough, see that is the thing, nobody ever told me how it all worked, I had to figure out everything by myself, I got there in the end but the journey was no joke…
I Finished reading [Women by Charles Bukowski] on October 23, 2023. –(Took me 390 days – This was my fourteenth book)
