Is it okay?
Art : WHO?
By Sakuan.
Ska is the name, yes my real name is Ska. I quite like it, it is unique. I have something to say and I hope you don’t judge me for it, just read what I have to say and be done with it, if you think I am a fool a the end of it, that is fine don’t feel bad and if you think I have a point then that is fine too just don’t take my word as the Bible or the Quran, whatever floats your boat man. Smile.
IS IT OK?
Is it okay to think, how come he can think, how come she is allowed to think, but I am not, is this the part where you tell me, “Oh well, life isn’t fair.” That’s why, and can my response be, “ I don’t care about that, I need my basic right.” Oh entitlement, good ol’ entitlement, whether it is a good or a bad thing that is a story I’m leaving for another day.
Hey you, Is it okay to think now?
The coast is clear you can have all the thoughts you wish to have, nobody is paying you no mind, nobody but you, you look at that as a good thing but no, that is a sad life. I believe you are not what you think you are but you definitely are what you do, so do the right thing and stay in the right lane, I know it is complicated because even in that statement, the right thing and the right lane are both subjective, to a large degree at times. You have everything to lose including your life, why do you keep doing this to yourself? You should love yourself as you love others, so it is said but if you can’t love yourself or even know how to love yourself what is the point of telling me to love others, what is the point of being here? Life is beautiful? Where is the beauty? All I see is an old witch’s face. You are beautiful, they told me, but where is the beauty? All I see is a beast when I look in the mirror, that is why I act like a beast.
I know the feeling of self-deprecation a little bit too well, I know what you are going through, I feel your pain, I know you want eyes on you, I know you are conflicted, I know you want to be good, I know all this because I am you. I know you think life is at a hard point right now, your hard work isn’t bearing fruits, you have no ‘other’ you have ‘no support’, nobody understands you (so you think), and you live life like an animal, you don’t go out, you are a privileged being and yet you don’t live like it. Don’t take all of this for granted because it can all be taken back or disappear with a snap of a finger. Love more, go out more, talk to people more, appreciate life more, live life more, smile more, laugh more, engage more, and maybe you’ll finally lose ‘IT’ and acquire ‘IT’. The time has come for you to take matters into your own hands, no more sitting around waiting for an angel to take away all of your pain, that is not possible, not in this life at least, you need to deal with that before someone else can attempt to, for you and I know that to be true for us and also for everybody else out there. I have no clue how the strings work, I am just but a puppet of my ambitions and dreams, a vessel of my disgusts, a vessel of the actions that I am not proud of.
In the dawn I was woken up by the singing birds and instead of being in a joyous form the first thing I felt was defeat, these feelings I can’t hold in anymore, they sprout and then run from me but only at times, I don’t know what to do with them, maybe I need more people in my life, people who are going to keep me in check when I go overboard or attempt to. I think that might help, there are testimonials out there of that being helpful, maybe it will be helpful to me too, or so I thought, these things start with you and end with you, and until you accept that you’re always going to be drowning or worse. The feeling of being a failure, the feeling of being defeated by simple things in life, makes me wonder ‘why me’ but then ‘why not me’. Why of all people do I deserve to have a beautiful life, whatever I want in life I need from someone, financial success I need people for that and that means that I am in competition with other people for that spot. If that is the case why then do I deserve to be in the spotlight and not the other person? Why me? But then again, why not me?
Challenging events, for a lack of better words always seem to gravitate towards me, I thought that was a good thing until they start becoming overwhelming even for me, such a shame that I of all people have feelings of sadness in a moment like this, a moment when everything in life seems to be in the right path, but the obstacles in this path are way too much and I know for a fact there are people out there who get it worse than I do, maybe my problem is the fact that my success hasn’t happened yet. Why is it taking so long? Wait a minute, will it ever get here? That is the worry I’m faced with, this is a huge gamble I’m taking with my life, and nothing seems to be happening the way I pictured it would, to be fair does anything ever? They say for me to get what I want I have, HAVE to be and do certain things. Well, what if I’m not one for those ‘things’? These ‘things’ are not be all end all, I’m quite sure there are people out there who got exactly what I dream of without doing these ‘things’. Why can’t everything go as I want it to? Why can’t life be easy with every morning I get to open my eyes? Why do I have to depend on other people for my success? Why, why, why do I have to belong to something in order for that thing to accept me? Why does it always have to be hard to do the worthy things? These questions are never answered, the closest to a satisfactory answer that I have ever gotten is, “THAT IS LIFE.” I guess we have to accept it for what it is, don’t drive yourself crazy over something you can’t control, but how long is long enough before you give up and pick something else to do with your life? Time waits for no man.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
I Finished reading [Post Office by Charles Bukowski] on September 14, 2022. –(Took me 10 days – This was my twelfth book)
I started reading [Factotum by Charles Bukowski] on September 15, 2022.
