The Cry.

Art : Tara

By Sakuan.

I have this thing where I am always scared, I am scared of death even though I know it is inevitable, sometimes I have dreams about death and when I wake up I do things like this, write about it. Yesterday was a tough one, I had a dream that I lost someone very special to me and it was sad when I woke up I did not know what to think, I didn’t know how to react, I felt all sorts of emotions. The thing about dreams is that they feel real at times when you are in them and I still don’t know how to react when I wake up at times and that is scary when you consider certain things, I am scared of things, I am scared of death, I am not afraid to say it, for some reason we are supposed to get used to it or not let it affect us but that is so hard to do, that is so hard to comprehend, that is so hard t even imagine, I love my life so much so why would I be okay losing it? I get why I have to do it though, I have to be able to live my life and not worry about the inevitable, that is how you lose track of time and wound up feeling like you wasted your life.

Regret is something that I am not well versed in, but I also don’t give it to the belief that everything happens for a reason because that belief in itself leaves a lot of questions unanswered. The thing that keeps me grounded is the thought that regret in some sense makes no sense to me because for some reason, in a lot of cases, people always assume if they did something different then their outcome would have been better, but you don’t know that, the other outcome could have been could have turned out worse than what you have right now, so what is the point? That is what keeps me grounded, I don’t dwell, and I always try my best when I am doing things just so I can have an answer when things don’t go my way, at least I can say I tried my best and I can say at the time with what I knew I did all I could, that is such a satisfying feeling to have…

*sniffs*