The Imperfections of Perfect.
Art : Cinnamon
By Sakuan.
Sunday.
Getting used to it is what they say, you have to experience it enough to the point where you get numb to it, that only works in certain situations, it doesn’t apply in some. I know of things that one can’t overcome as fast as others and I am not surprised when pain is felt or experienced in the process. There are things that you can get used to once you experience them long enough and there are others that you can’t and there is no specific reason to them, the reality of the matter is that those things are complicated to comprehend for anyone. One of them that comes to mind is heartbreak, you can never experience it so much to a point where you get used to it, I have never heard of someone or seen someone who has gone through so much heartbreak from love that they are numb to it. I see these situations as bleeding, a human body cannot be cut so much to a point where it gets numb to it and doesn’t bleed, if you are cut you are always going to bleed, that is the reality of humanity. Of course, there are other things that you can get used to, and there are things that you can experience so much to a point where you get numb to them, but for this to happen you need to have a strong mindset, you need to be on point with the way you think, you need to be there at all times, you can never let your guard down because that is how you fail. I know this might make sense to some and it might be nonsense to some but trust me when I say this I have been through some of them to know that what I am saying is based on some reality if any…
Monday.
We all have one, we are all allowed to have one, we should all have one, it is good for everyone to have one, most of them should differ, at least that is how it is supposed to be so that we can all move forward as a society. We need to find a way to have one, and we also need to find a way to accept what others bring to the table. As a society we are still trying to learn, some of us are, we are trying to understand how to live with all the differences we have between us and it is a challenging fit but we can’t give up because life goes one and we still have to exist within and with each other. Some are considered wrong and some are considered right, it is hard to come to an agreement because we all have different experiences in life, experiences that lead to different circumstances in life, despite all that we all still need to have one, and we all do have one. They all change with time especially when we grow up, we all have things we can do to improve our outlook in life, and our experiences allow us to germinate different ways of thinking, maybe this is why we will never get to a point where we can all live together in peace, maybe, just maybe it was never meant to be, with all the wars and disagreements going on around the world it makes me wonder, maybe there is a reason why we were all separated, maybe there is a reason why the earth split and different people come from different places, maybe there is a reason why we are all naturally separated, coming together creates more success and guess what more success means more problems and that is what we are going through in the country I reside in right now, America. In America, we all have one, an OPINION.
Tuesday.
Independence, why do I feel like sometimes my life is stagnant, sometimes I wake up and feel like I haven’t done anything with my life and it is all my doing. Sometimes I want to be left alone, sometimes I want to be on my own because it is calming. Living with other people is good, that is only if they have the same mentality as you, that is if they use common sense, that is if they are savvy with life, that is if they know where they are and know how to do the right things at the right time, we can’t live like animals, we can’t be the people to embarrass our families, how can one be so stupid to put the whole family at risk, think fast, see thinking is not the problem, not knowing or understanding why they are wrong is the problem, what are we doing, what was he thinking. I know I think too much but this stress got me worried, waking up with headaches is not the ideal thing for a young person like me, I shouldn’t be going through this much stress. I hope this thing works so I can move out and stop worrying too much, I know life can be stressful, I get that but it can be more stressful when common sense is not used at all, it can be more stressful when people around you don’t understand the consequences of their actions, it can be more stressful when people put all your lives at risk because of stupid decisions they decided to make. Stress is such a killer, thoughts that can’t be avoided, thoughts that you have to come into grasp with because if you don’t then nobody else will, why put us at risk for some stupid thing that somehow you thought and felt was necessary, get a hold of yourself, you are too old to be doing things like that…
Wednesday.
I swear this is not my doing, I swear I did not know that was wrong, I swear this has to be a dream, there is no way that thing got me in trouble. Stupid and unassuming things that get you in trouble, there are a lot of those whether you want to admit it or not, I have seen it, we have all seen it and it keeps on happening to everybody around us and to us. There are things that you do by mistake, things that you didn’t know were wrong to do and sometimes even worse than that you have a feeling they are wrong and you still do them, that is what I don’t understand. The devil on your shoulder tells you to do something and it swears to you that everything is going to be alright afterward and in some cases the devil is right and sometimes he’s not. The thing about that is the fact that once you do something and get away with it, if there were no real consequences then you just gave your brain a way out, you just gave yourself a new option. In some cases, this is good because you have a way out and in some cases this can be terribly wrong especially if it is a bad thing. I know what I am talking about, not because I am an expert but because I have gone through this same thing a lot, and I know other people have gone through the same thing. Regret always comes after the fact, that is the sad thing, at the time of doing whatever it is that might get you in trouble, your guard is always down, you don’t think straight, and the repercussion of your actions don’t occur to you, the only do after the fact and that is the sad thing about this experience we call life.
Thursday.
Today is one of those days where I woke up craving a lover’s touch, it is something that happens from time to time, I don’t understand it sometimes but it is what it is. You wake up realizing how lonely you are, then you tell yourself everything is going to be alright, and you might be right, you can’t force it because that would be the beginning of something that you might regret in the future, the beginning of something you are bound to regret in the future. I hate love sometimes, that is eros love that I am talking about, it all starts beautiful, the first few months are the best, it feels like heaven on earth, and then for some reason, it all fades away, or some of it does fade away and you end up wondering why you are in it in the first place, it is a sad thing to experience, we all experience this at some point and we somehow end up getting out of the situation alive, at least some of us do. How can something start so beautiful just to end up in court fighting over who would keep the house, breaks ups are annoying, and I am not talking about going through one, I am talking about the fact that they even happen in the first place, they are stupid because at one point this is the person you could have sworn you would spend the rest of your life with. It gets even worse when you bring a child into this world and go through a breakup at the same time, that is sad both for the child and for you, especially for the child and we all have to realize at some point when we decide to bring a child into this world it is not fair to them to live in a broken up family, they did not ask to be here in the first place so it is your responsibility to make sure they are taken care of both emotionally and physically until they are grown enough to do that for themselves…
Friday.
It surprises me how many people can’t cook and I am not talking about a gourmet dish but day-to-day simple foods. How does one survive with only ordering takeouts, how do you justify living off ordering food or waiting for someone to cook for you, it should be a requirement at the back of your head that you should at some point learn how to cook, I think that is healthy, both for your mental health and for financial well being. You save a lot of money when you cook your own food, you might justify ordering food as saving time and in some cases, you are saving time but in most cases, it just shows some lack of planning on your side. You can order food from time to time especially if you crave something that you don’t have the ability to make or if it takes a long time to make, that I understand but spending money every day of the week ordering out food is irresponsible in my opinion. Cooking can be therapeutic. The thing that I tell myself and hold myself accountable for is that no matter where I am, no matter what country I am in I feel like I should at least know how to cook four to seven different dishes from that region. Being in a relationship and still ordering takeout every day can’t be healthy especially if you are considering building a family with someone, I don’t understand or get parents who can’t cook, you are doing your children a disservice, for me personally, I know I can always count on my mother to make something for me, something I really like and she is the only person who can make that food the way I like it and she taught me how to do it and I hope to pass that down to my children as it was passed down to her from my grandparents. I truly believe every parent should know how to cook something and takeout should only be done when necessary and not all the time.
Saturday.
All I can do is write about it, I have to talk about how I am and how I feel the world is right now, turning to myself for help is something that I feel I should do, I don’t know what to think when it comes to things that I have never experienced before, I still have opinions and thoughts on them I just don’t know what to think, I have my way of doing things and I have my way of not doing things and at the end of the day, the only thing that matters is how I behave around those that love me, those that consider me a good person, or a person in general. Of course, I have views, of course, I have things that I can live without, and of course, I care about myself but that is not the point, that has never been the point. Why am I looked down for the things I love? Why is it that I can be labeled something based on the things I have done? That is fair but only to a certain degree, you can’t call me whatever you feel like and get away with it. The law is still something that puzzles me, it keeps me up at night, I wish the justice system was fair and accurate but at the end of the day it was made by humans and humans make mistakes so it is always just about the time that the justice system gets something wrong. The law is an interesting thing because most likely than not it is designed to help and the way to do that is by defining what wrong is and what right is as we all know that is complicated, in the justice system two plus two is four and it is only in rare cases where they can allow and agree that three plus one can also be four…
Currently reading [Women by Charles Bukowski]
