WHAT COMES TO MIND pt 2.
Art : What if?
By Sakuan.
I like what I like and that is that.
Don’t tell me I am loved and don’t show it.
It feels unreal to watch people die of avoidable things.
My life is so precious that I don’t know how to live it.
I care because I love more than I hate, they told me to be me, but I am toxic so how is that helping me? They said I should care about how I make other people feel, but other people don’t care how I feel so how is this fair to anyone? I come from a place of hurt and they say hurt people hurt people, good thing I don’t consider myself a person. Why do I have so much hate towards me, why do I think that I don’t matter in the bigger picture? Is it because everything I do ends up being a failure in my eyes? Some people consider me lucky, some people consider me cursed I don’t know what to think or believe anymore, I’m being kept in the dark by myself, what a childish thing I could ever be to myself. The monster in my closet refused to move out and I can’t go in there and chase him out, well because he is a monster and I am scared of monsters. I guess he will forever reside in my house. Sometimes I wonder what life would be if I took a different path, I’m lying I never think of that because my belief is the path that I took is the path that there ever was all the other hypothetical thoughts don’t really make sense, at least to me they don’t. Regret comes from a place of misfortune, people always wondered what would have happened if they took a different path, I don’t because unlike them I know and believe there are always two sides to a coin, just because you think if you went back in time and change your decision doesn’t mean that would have been the right one or something like that…
I am not going to edit anything in this letter to myself, this is for my restless brain.
This is from me to you, this is from a person to a person, of integrity that I don’t know.
Call me what you want but I am not who you think I am or who you think I should be.
If you were to ever do anything for me I would please ask you to judge me for my actions and not for my thoughts, please do that for me, that is the only thing I ask of you.
Blessed I am a man who can get whatever he wants, a man who is lucky enough to make decisions of his own, a man who can say no whenever he wants, a man who gets excited with the little things in life, that is me, that is who I am that is the way my life is.
Blessed is my family, a place where I call home, a place where I can say people love me for who I am, how true that statement is I don’t know, how true that statement should be I don’t know. This is straight from my head, don’t judge me for anything I am not in tune with, should I care what people think about me, maybe, but how do I advance in life if I think like that?
I look at successful people and hope to be that someday, makes me wonder if it is anything worth striving for. What do I need to do to be the greatest of all time in my field? Who cares if I am perfect?
Who cares if this piece of mind I am writing right now is perfect I don’t and I shouldn’t, sometimes I need to be calm and chill and not take everything so seriously, when will I learn to enjoy life, I’m thinking I should start now.
Your career is cool and all, but kids are better.
It has been Ali talking to you this whole time and I hope you have a wonderful day ahead of you. Judge me for my actions and not for my thoughts.
Currently reading [Women by Charles Bukowski]
