Holding onto…
ART : BONSAI WOMAN…
By Sakuan.
Holding onto anger.
“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” Buddha. The famous words of Buddha, a beautiful teaching to live by, but it’s not an easy practice, especially when the anger is justified and, in most cases, it feels like it is justified, in the moment at least.
It’s hard to believe know you’re wrong in the moment. “I just want to beat him/ her up because they deserve it,” “why would he/she do something like that to me, I’m justified to distant myself from them for a while,” and so on. It takes a lot to control yourself, sometimes controlling yourself isn’t the right call, sometimes lashing out might be the reason why someone stays alive that night, “NO WAY YOU’RE DRIVING WHILE DRUNK, I’LL CALL AN UBER, I DON’T CARE IF YOU’VE DONE THIS 100s OF TIMES BEFORE, THE DIFFERENCE IS I’M HERE AND I DON’T CARE IF YOU’RE MAD AT ME RIGHT NOW. NO, YOU’LL LEAVE YOUR CAR IN THE PARKING LOT AND YOU’LL COME GET IT IN THE MORNING.” Words a good friend might give to a friend who’s under the influence, at that moment the drunk friend might feel like he/she is justified to be angry because they’ve driven their car while tipsy 100s of times before and never got into an accident and yet here you come with your “responsibility talk ruining the vibes,” in reality you’re both justified to feel the way you feel, both from experience, both logical in each’s mind, one responsible the other naïve but that doesn’t matter in this situation, it only comes down to whether you’re willing to give in or give up on your friend.
Holding onto anger.
What is it about anger that tips us over the edge? Why is it that some can control themselves and some can’t? What makes a woman burn her husband to death when she finds out he’s been abusing their daughter? What makes a man shoot and kill his wife and her lover when he finds them naked in his own bed? What makes a child resent his/her parents? Does it all come down to love? A question I hope to get answers to, does betraying the love or lack of thereof cause the pain that leads to anger? A question I hope to get an answer to. Does it all come down to betrayal then, you’ve betrayed my trust in you, you’ve betrayed our children by abandoning them mentally, you’ve betrayed yourself by residing in a bar, you’ve betrayed yourself by having less to offer to other people, does it all come down to betrayal? A question I hope to answer someday. I can’t live without you, that’s a feeling you get when you’re in love, the smallest of betrayals to that commitment can lead to the biggest of sacrifices to your freedom and in some cases to your life if you’re not well rounded or firmly grounded. Feelings don’t evolve as humans do, the only way for them to evolve is within you, so it seems, through my experience of course.
Letting go of the anger you are holding onto.
Meditation, yeah, that’ll calm you down, and that’s assuming you know how to meditate. Some people’s brains harbor so much chaos in that a practice of staying still, or even a thought thereof feels like a big reach out of their comfort zone. I haven’t experienced this personally, but I assume that would be a living hell, loud wild thoughts that can’t be controlled. Having to distract yourself when you feel like you’re about to go over the edge, that’s a good measure, you think, but that’s only if your life is interesting enough to have such powerful distractions.
My distractions are video games, making art, and writing. I’m glad and lucky I didn’t seek alcohol or any kinds of drugs as a distraction, some people do find refuge in alcohol, hard drugs, soft drugs, sex, pornography, food, and the list is endless. I always wonder, the use of drugs, why is that such a popular go-to thing among both youths and adults, why is that the first option of many to escape the world’s problems? Is it the lack of control that they seek in the moment? Because during the high you don’t think about the tragedy and hardships that befell you, you want to be rid of the pain that occupies your mind even if it’s for a few minutes?
The burden in your heart is so big that getting rid of it for a few minutes at the expense of your body is worth it… is that it?
Holding onto drugs.
Drugs, such a beautiful thing, when talking about medicine as a controlled substance of course. All medicines are drugs but not all drugs are medicines. I know people who have been influenced by drugs in one way or another, and it’s a scary sight especially to the people around them. Amongst young adults, It mostly stems from peer pressure.
Drugs kill, can kill, and will kill, this scares me a lot, not being able to be in control of my body is something I can’t fathom. Why would anyone for that matter subject themselves to such cruelty in the name of “fun” of all things, it just never made sense to me… it still doesn’t make sense to me, does it to you?
Of course, there are other reasons that can push someone to abuse substances and at the time it might feel like it’s worth it. It might be worth it in rare cases; I can’t judge because I’m yet to experience such a case.
A slave to your vices.
They help you overcome a lot, on that, we have to agree or disagree to agree whatever floats your boat. Either way that’s the reality for some, it doesn’t matter what me and…me or you think about it, our personal opinions on that doesn’t really matter. What is your vice, and are you proud of it? Are you ashamed of it? Are you the only one who knows about it? Does it affect the people around you in any way? Why did you resort in your vice? Why didn’t you refuge in something else? I’m guessing it all stems from your environment, meaning, your parents, friends, and so on. Should I be proud of my vice, what if I’m a slave to it and still proud of it at the same time, does that mean I’m missing something? If so, then what am I missing? Love? A goal? Ambition? Hope? Trust? Dreams? Can my vice stem from loneliness? How come some people have all the friends they need but still feel lonely? How come some people are in relationships but felt more whole and less lonely when they were single? What makes someone with all the currency in the world feel like they have nothing? What makes someone lose hope in life?
All these things can result in vices that could be detrimental to both them and their society. Does anyone really care or am I preaching to the choir, if it’s the latter then I have no reason to keep talking… excuse me, writing.
