Charlie.
Art: A BOY NAMED CHARLIE.
By Sakuan.
These are just but random thoughts and ideas from a boy named Charlie. I found his diary as I was walking down on 75th street. I picked it up and his mind is something I thought I should share. I assume his name is Charlie because every day of the week was followed by a Charlie. These are a boy’s thoughts, take them as that. A person is not their thoughts rather their actions.
Sunday. Charlie.
When everything works out as you want, it feels good, but that is a high you have to be careful about, when you get too much excitement then it comes down crumbling and you are the one to blame for you put in so much effort and power into that which can be fleeting, I know this for I have gone through the same highs multiple times in my life. I don’t allow myself to get too excited when something good happens to me and that allows me to stay calm when something bad happens, it has helped me a lot and I know it has for I wasn’t always like this. Always keep yourself in check, that is what I always tell myself every time I think of something that might change my life. These emotions go up and down however they want and there is no one to tell them to stop, I know I can’t and that is something you have to deal with as an individual, there is no one who is going to come to your help if you don’t help yourself, there is no one who will be willing to rescue you from all the things that can happen to you, you have to do that your self and you have to be proud while doing it for you are you and there is no one out there who can help you better than you can help yourself, you have to take the first step, the most important step and that is, you have to decide that you want to change, you have to decide that you have had enough. You can be wrong and that is okay, it took me so long to learn that, it also took me so long to understand the fact that just because you win an argument it doesn’t make you right…
Monday. Charlie.
Trying to get everything done even though nothing might come out of it, that is the thing right there, it is not about what you do or how you do it when it comes to certain things, rather it is why you do it. This thing that I do and I strive to be good at it is something that I do no because I think it will make me be a somebody, that is never guaranteed and we all know that for a fact. It doesn’t matter what you do there is always going to be a chance that you fail in whatever you do and I care about this to the point where I shut all the voices from outside, so far it has been great to experience and so far it has worked great, I care about what I feel and I care what other people think about me, rightfully so because that keeps me alive and that is something that I think should be celebrated to the fullest. I think I will be a somebody, maybe I am already a somebody and I just don’t know it or maybe I should try my hardest to realize it. Should I force myself to advance, should I force myself to be a good person. Should I think the way I think, should I care about what other people say about me? That is a question that we think we have answers to when in reality that couldn’t be further from the truth. When I see successful people sometimes I don’t know what to think, I sit there and wonder how it feels to have something that you have to protect day and night, having more reason to be alive, people treating you like you are a god not because of who you are but because of what you have…
Tuesday. Charlie.
Sitting back and enjoying the ride, I love this and I do this from time to time, it keeps me in check, sometimes I look at my life and wonder what would have been. I care too much about things that don’t matter, I care too much about things that wouldn’t help me one way or another and it is a sad thing to experience. Sometimes you realize you have a lot just by sitting back and letting nature take its course and sometimes you can’t sit back and watch this happen. I have seen people ruin their lives in one sentence and I was able to see it happening the whole time, it is surreal at times to see a life crumble right in front of your eyes and you can’t do anything about it, that is life and as it should. I have seen myself go of course a couple of times and I was lucky to get myself on track and I wasn’t always lucky at this, sometimes my life would crumble and I would see it happen without me being able to do anything about it and I couldn’t understand why that was happening, in hindsight I understand, looking back I see more and more of the things I did that could have been the reason of these petty troubles as I call them. I care about my life and I care about what other people have to say about it, I wouldn’t want to be seen as a bad person, and it doesn’t matter that I know I am not a bad person, what is the point of that when everyone else thinks you are a bad person. You exist in a society and it helps for people to know you as a good person, it helps a lot…
Wednesday. Charlie.
When times are tough who do you run to, when times are tough who do you call, when times are tough who is there to support you, when times are tough who is there to lend a hand, when times are tough why not end it all, why suffer day and night for something that doesn’t make sense, why suffer when you can push one button and all of it will be over? I will tell you why, we keep on going not because we have to or want to but because we are human, I think we experience this thing we call life, some better than others but at the end of the day it is still an experience and most of us fear death, and most importantly most of us fear the unknown, I know I do. We get worried when we suffer from something that we don’t fully understand, this is not a me or a you problem this is an us problem and pointing fingers doesn’t help anyone, have you seen the amount of times I have sat there and wondered why my life is crumbling probably not, that is because this is my life and I am responsible for it, you have to take accountability of your doings, you have to know when to stop and most importantly when to start. The goings are never easy, you need everything you’ve got to keep on moving forward, you need a support to your life, you need that one thing that keeps you going, either it be a child or a dream, this is the only way to stay sane, at least that is what I believe and I know this because I used to be in a hole before I found what I loved doing and chased after it, you could be in the same boat that I was in and getting out requires dedication and most importantly willingness to change…
Thursday. Charlie.
It feels good to be alive, today marks the beginning of a new chapter for me, I don’t know what the future holds just yet but I can assure you that I pray and I will do my best for it to be the brightest future one could ever imagine of. I care about what I think as I should because you are what you do, and for you to do something you have to think of doing it first, you are not what you think but you definitely are your actions in most cases, technically. We have out thoughts day in day out and who is to say we are good people for that, who is to say we are bad people for our thoughts, I don’t think we are. I will start doing something today and I can’t lie just like every other venture people partake in, I am not fully certain how it is going to turn out but all I can do is hope that all will be well, I have to keep faith that my life will come in line soon enough, it is not like I am getting any younger, people struggle finding out what they want to do with their lives and yet here I am, lucky enough to have something that I am working on, lucky enough to be a person who has the things they want to do known to them. I have a purpose of some sort and I am grateful for that, I am thankful for that, I know I am lucky in that aspect, but I also know I have to work smart and harder on it for this passion to bear any kinds of fruits, it is a lonely world when you work hard, you need a backbone that can keep you sane…
Friday. Charlie.
When you think things are going well for you just to look back at the actual situation and realize that your life is in pure shambles, what a think to witness, I can think of everything that can put a grown man to rest for good. If you don’t have anything to fight for you often fight yourself scrapping the bottom of a pot trying to hang on to whatever, such if life. I was encouraged before to be the best I person I can for whatever and I did try, to not avail. Now I sit here hoping someone would drop me a rope to help me climb out of this hole that I call a reality. So far no one has come to my rescue and that makes me sad and to think about it I haven’t called onto other people to help me, that is always and has always been a hard thing for me to do, asking other people for help, all my life I have always been compliant with what other people ask of me and I have always tried my best to accept other people but I can’t seem to get a hang of it and I feels sad about it at times but that doesn’t deter me from trying no matter how much I try and it doesn’t work. I keep on pushing and I keep on hoping that one day, just maybe one day I will find someone who is going to put up with me and either jump in this hole and help me out or find the strength to pull me out of this hole with a strong rope. I can only dream of that special someone, I wonder what their fist name is going to be. Let me live, can a man hope?
Saturday. Charlie.
Today is the day I am going to change I said, today is the day things are going to be different I said. I keep saying this but yet nothing meaningful comes out of it, at least that is what I used to think and now I know that is not the truth, now I understand that there are things that matter more than just me, there is a whole system that is out there a system that keeps our society intact and for it to be profitable to me I have to help it one way or another, that is the reality of existing in a society. You need to find ways of living life in a meaningful way, you have to find ways of co-existing with other people, you need to find a way of making people like you, I used to think I was fine the way I was but now I understand that is not the case, nobody is fine the way they are, if that was the case then why do we brush our teeth everyday, why do we take a shower everyday, these might seem like small things but these to me are clear things that show we are not fine the way we are, we constantly have to do things that will make sure our future will be fine. We worry about the future most of the time, some of us in a healthy way and most of us in a detrimental way. We tell ourselves all these lies, we tell ourselves we are fine when we clearly aren’t, we teach our children in ways that will make them go through the same mistakes that we went through growing up. It is the thought that counts they say, not always… the world changes all the time, do we really have to change with it?
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