Merry X-mas…
Art : Zed.
By Sakuan.
Merry Christmas.
Today is a beautiful day, my usual routine was splendid this morning.
Celebrating the birthday of a being some of us reject and some of us accept with all our hearts. It’s a time we all come together as one and gift each other presents. For most of us, it’s a cultural celebration and not a religious one. The way the calendar is set up is interestingly beautiful, no matter how bad or beautiful your year was the world will always end its in a celebration, a beautiful thing if you ask me.
Have a blessed Merry Christmas.
OVER.
Over. I came to a feeling recently that I might be afraid of love, the eros type. I’ve always avoided people, every time they open themselves up to me, I tend to always push them away, such a cliché.
Excuses, excuses as to why I do this; oh, I’m not ready as I have nothing to offer them, oh, I’m a messed up being and I need to work on myself first before I invite someone else into my life, oh, what to do after the fact, what to do after I invite them in, oh, what conversation to have with their family, that’s more of a fear than an excuse, oh, I have nothing, I’m nothing, oh, I have to be financially stable first before I even encourage the thought.
Well, all these reasons knotted with fear all wrapped up around my head, around my life. There are way more reasons but they escape my mind at the moment. I’m twenty-five, of course, some of the reasons are justified and some are not, it’s been years and I keep telling myself the same thing over and over again. Never has it occurred to me that I could build some of my dreams with someone, don’t get me wrong sometimes I crave the feeling of being in someone else’s arms, but as I smile at that thought I’m reminded immediately of the fact that I’m nothing and sadness soon reigns upon my poor little heart. At times I don’t know what to do, and I can’t pause my life to figure that out as there are other things that also need to be worked on. A conundrum of some sort I’m in.
I Finished reading [Girl In Hyacinth Blue by Susan Vreeland] on December 19, 2021. -(Took me 7 days, this was my fifth book)
I started reading [The Scottish Play Murder by Anne Rutherford] on December 20, 2021.
