Being Part of Something.
Art : Crook.
By Sakuan.
Hello, I’m just going to get to it today. Being part of something, let’s talk about it. After taking a long time thinking about how I am, I came to a conclusion that I might be bad at being part of something, this applies in the initial stages of trying something new, so I don’t know if that’s normal for everybody or is it just me? I have a feeling that a lot of introverts go through the same trouble. Being part of something requires you to interact with other people, it’s hard for me because I like keeping to myself, but in order to belong in a healthy community I have to be an active part of the community, and I struggle with that, God do I struggle with that. Sometimes I wish I was an extrovert, I imagine getting a high just from interacting with other people, how cool is that? I wonder.
When I’m engaged in a conversation with someone I just met or an acquaintance, these are some of the thoughts that bounce around in my head, “why are we even having this conversation, hmm I wonder what I could be doing right now, I guess I have to act like I care what they’re telling me, just to be nice, but that’s being fake and not fair for them because they really think I care, I’ll just smile and nod and say something neutral like, ‘that’s crazy’, how can I get out of this convo,” I know I have to work on that, I try my best.
I’ve been part of something before, my life has an interesting story associated with it, I’ve had to reset my life three times, this has made it even harder for me as an introvert to be part of something, it takes a long time to get used to a new place, I don’t know how to explain it, it’s weird. I think it takes a long time for me to decide if I want to interact with people or not, and before I even decide, life moves on and I find myself in a whole different place and the process starts over again, I hope that made sense. That’s why I try not to spend a lot of time making decisions or dwelling, because life moves on so fast when you’re in your head, in your shell.
